The Pursuit of Happiness

It's what we all want.  To be happy.  Happiness can be elusive. Sometimes we lie, telling ourselves and others we have achieved it when in reality we have not.  Then there are also the times where we had it and threw it all away.  Lastly there are times where we had it all along but were too blind to see it.

I'm not really sure where I fit into that mix but I can say with certainty that I am happy.  CC makes me the happiest I have ever been.  It's almost like living someone else's life.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Nothing good has ever happened to me that has lasted any length of time.  I'm really hoping this does.

CC has had a job offer possibly two from one hospital in town.  He wants the one that is currently up in the air but will take the other if he isn't offered the one he wants.  I know he isn't exactly happy about either.  He wants to be in the cath lab but there aren't any jobs in town in that department.  I feel bad about the fact he isn't going to be able to have work he finds enjoyable.  He deserves his happiness, at work as well as home.

I hope he is happy too.  He says he is.  I worry.  He has so many things on his mind I can't differentiate if any of his stresses and worries are due to me or not.   His mom is sick and doesn't seem to be improving, lack of work, etc.  I can't help with any of these things and I definitely don't want to add to them.

It's hard living here.  I know it is.  It's one thing to have different child rearing mindsets but when you are not used to children at all and are saddled with a spoiled teen, it has to be almost unbearable.  My son is not  horrible but he surely isn't ideal.  He is a teen, he is lazy, he is moody and he is self-centered.  I attribute all of those things to being a teen because I can remember being the exact same way.  There is a lot of me in my son and I guess that is why I tolerate a lot of it because I know it was how I was and I outgrew it.  One can only hope he does too.  But, I know all of this is hard for CC to watch.  He stands by, bless him, doesn't say anything and I know there are times when he really wants to.  He has managed to make it about 5 weeks so far living here.  It's a long way to two years if you are miserable...