There Really is No Excuse

I have been pretty negligent as of late regarding my blog.  I need to at least blog weekly but I just haven't been making time for it.  I have no excuse. It isn't like I don't have time while watching television, etc.  I just haven't been.  I guess it's a good thing.  It seems most of the time I feel the urge to blog when I'm upset and that just hasn't been the case as of late.  There has been a lot going on and I'll do my best to catch you up.

My birthday went really well. CC bought art this year.  I now have a Blue Dog by George Rodrigue hanging in my office.  It is a signed limited edition silk screen print.  He is very popular. Many of his originals go for six figures so I feel very lucky to get this one.  It's awesome!!  I've been wanting one for a while and so happy I've now got it.

Tie Me Up

CC has changed jobs in the hospital. He now has a position working 12 hour shifts, three days a week. No call, no holidays.  I think he is bored senseless but at least he doesn't have near the frustrations he did with the previous position.  Working late on those three days also allows me to work late on those days which works out all the way around.

We got another puppy mid October.  He is a full blooded blue heeler (Australian Cattle Dog) and is about 9-10 months old.  We were able to rescue him from the shelter.  He had a brother but I could not see having two puppies at one time since I'm the one home all the time.  He is a doll and we have named him Deacon.

Favorite spot to relax!

First Day Home

He is all boy and a bit goofy but is much better behaved than I would have expected for a pup of that age that has been wandering as a stray.  We are doing pretty good on the training front. He is all about walks now.  We take a couple a day and he gets as excited as Maddie when I tell them it's time.

Halloween we had a lot of kids come to visit.  I ran out of candy.  CC said we didn't have that many last year so I didn't buy a lot of candy.  I know better for next year.  It's fun when you have a lot of the kids coming around.  Maybe by next year I will have decorations again and will be able to celebrate in style!  It IS my favorite holiday after all.

Before you knew it it was time for the Presidential election.  Thank goodness we all have the ability to mail in our votes ahead of time in Florida.  Our ballots are ridiculously long and pointless.  We deserve the ridicule the rest of the country gives us.

I flew back north on election day. I had a meeting at work the following day and was able to visit the folks and the Son for a bit. It was nice and actually uneventful.  I am NOT going to question it but accept it as it is.  It's probably best.  I didn't get to stay but two nights and was back home again. It was nice to be able to wear sweaters and jackets but it is really good to be home.

Last weekend we went to see Tampa and San Diego play football. It was Veterans Day and was a really good game. It was nice that Tampa won.  My fantasy team bombed but I'm trying to forget about that.  LOL.  We had great seats on the 50 yard line.

Great Seats!!!

We had an awesome time.  I wish we had season tickets but we can't seem to get any we really want to shell out the money for.  I love going to the games but I love to see also.  I gave a rep our contact information while we were at the game. I hope she can find something for us.

I can't believe it is almost Thanksgiving.  My folks will come in from Orlando and I think the Son and his GF will be coming down possibly.  I have the menu planned so it's all coming together.  CC and I will be spending black Friday tearing apart our family room.  The renovation begins.  Between the paneling and the popcorn ceiling, upside down mantle (don't ask), this room really needs some help.  We are hoping to get the demo finished over the long weekend.  I will need to keep everyone posted.

December we go back to NYC and then I will spend a few days up north. I will get my cold fix for the year for sure.  I still do not miss shoveling snow!!!!!  :)

There is No Escape

About a week ago I was a bit fed up with work, feeling a bit burned out and I decided I needed a vacation.  CC was on call over the weekend so I flew up to Kentucky for a few days.

Traveling for me is always an adventure. Between several flight delays and a flight cancellation I arrived in Louisville 4 hours later than was originally planned.  The Son picked me up Thursday at the airport and we went to dinner and a bit of shopping.  I stayed at our place in the country while there.  It is a peaceful place of never ending chores.

Friday I was able to procure a 20 yd dumpster and had it delivered. The Son and I spent all of Friday and Saturday filling the dumpster with items from one of our many outbuildings.  My sister filled the better portion of the extremely large building with the contents from her failed photography/camera store. Not only inventory, but all of the glass display cabinets, film processing machines, kitchen cabinets she had bought with her husband for their kitchen etc.  It has been in the building for at least 6 years.  It was time.  Bless the Son's heart, he helped me a lot. It was a nice weekend for us.  My mother wanted to save the glass cabinets (in case she opens a store??).  I left them for her because she wants them but really what a waste of space.

The dumpster is full but we could've used another to properly clean it out. At least now we can see the floor.

And the Saga continues...

I know I haven't talked about the Son in a while. Truth is, there wasn't much to say while he wasn't speaking to me.  A lot has happened since then.

Right before the Son was to leave for college, he was pulled over and charged with underage consumption. The cop called me because they could not reach his dad.  The officer just wanted someone to come and get him so they did not have to arrest him.  I was able to reach his Dad and had him pick him up.

His father would not help him get his car out of impound so the money he had saved was spent on that and then calls me for gas money.  I couldn't turn him down. He has to get to work.

So he moves out of the apt. and is off to college.  It lasted a day before I received a phone call talking about how much he hated it. He hated his roommates, the classes, the apt. EVERYTHING. All he wanted to do was come back home.  He was upset and drove like a mad man talking on the phone to me. Scared me to death. Car ended up on the side of the road. One of his friends helped him out and he did go to classes the next day.  He called me from school, saying he wants to quit and move back.  School lasted a total of 4 days. Three really when you look at it.  I was able to get off rather light on the bills for that for what I can tell.  There wasn't that much on the loan yet and I just lost all of the deposit money etc. on the apt.  He had to have some money to get his car and stuff home but he did. Of course he is mad, saying I have left him homeless.  I did point out he had a perfectly good apartment at college and he didn't stay. The fact he has no place to live is not mine.  So, was mad and there you go.  This was during the first full week in August.

So, he is couch diving.  The way I see it, there were several kids that practically lived at our house during high school. I fed them, laundry etc.  Their parents OWE ME.  At any rate, his car is falling apart, he sleeps in his car some when it's too late to go to some one's home etc.  I have been helping him some with money, as I can.

His birthday was the 31st of August.  I helped him get a new vehicle with my Mom for his 18th birthday.  The insurance is going to be expensive but it is what it is.

His dad apparently didn't do much of anything.  He just called me and said he told him dad work was slow and asked him for some money and his dad shut him down, saying he would've stayed in school.  I can understand his dad being angry but he wasn't paying for it.  Also, if the Son doesn't want to go to school, well, it happens.  The Dad didn't go to school either and yes, has not a lot to his name so his son followed in his footsteps.  How does he have the right to be mad?  He never wanted him to be like me anyway.

The Dad always complained how he had no impact in his upbringing etc. Of course, he wouldn't drive over to see him and alienated him every chance he got. No wonder!  I think that even thought the Son sidled up to the Dad in June, he realizes, I'm not such the monster he always thought I was before. He is trying to get it together and for that I am thankful.

He called out of the blue right before his birthday telling me he wanted to go back on his medication. He said he stopped smoking pot and wanted to go back on his anti-depressants.  I called the pharmacy and so now he is on his medication.  That makes me very happy.  He seems to think much clearer when he is on his medication.  For him, his life is rough.  It is much rougher than anything he had ever experienced before anyway.  A certain amount of that is good for him and the fact he has no place to live is no ones fault but his own.  He refuses to live with his dad, he will not live at our farm or with my mother etc.  He has places to go but doesn't want to go to them.  That I cannot help. That is his choice and he has to live with that.  I do suspect it isn't as bad as he makes it out to be but I am 900 miles away and can't see for myself.

I will be trying to go up north this fall and will also try to get him to come down for a visit during the holidays if I can. I miss him, regardless of our past. He is my Son, my biggest weakness.

A Tribute

Daisy is CC's golden retriever. He has had her since she was a puppy and has been with him through a lot of trials and tribulations.  She is funny and acts just like a teenager.  She is oblivious to criticism and does things all in her own time.  It provides us with a lot of smiles.

Just look at this face!

Daisy was diagnosed last week with cancer of the spleen, hemangiosarcoma.  She hasn't eaten properly and had stopped eating all together.  We took her in, she was diagnosed, and we have spent the weekend hoping the medicine and diet changes would help improve her state.  It hasn't.  CC has been torn all weekend, this has been very unexpected and a devastating blow.  She has been lying around, doing very little and is not herself. It is sad to watch.  She typically is so playful.  She never met a toy that didn't need to have its stuffing spread all over the floor, a squeaky toy that needed to be permanently silenced.  We have been trying everything. Trying to improve her quality of life for the time she has left.  She doesn't even tear the toys up anymore.  It is so disheartening.

I have ALL the toys!

She is a very special dog.  When CC and I first got together, I wasn't really sure about being a dog owner.  I mean, I had a dog, but a Pomeranian but two bigger dogs are very different.  The Pom did not sleep with me and really was too small to make a mess.  CC's dogs slept with him and I wasn't fond of that but I decided to give it a chance.  CC's girls sold me.  They have always slept with us.  We bought a king size bed that sat really close to the ground for the dogs.  We wanted space for us but also wanted the dogs to have room and be able to get in and out as they age. We really didn't anticipate the need so soon.

Daisy and I lazing about

We are taking Daisy to the vet tomorrow.  I don't believe she will be coming home with us. It has been a difficult weekend and we don't want her to suffer. The weekend has been filled with many tears and thoughts and memories of beloved Daisy.

I am really glad I had the painting made of the girls last year.  We now have it framed and hanging in our guest room.  It turned out wonderful and now that it's framed it looks even better.

It's been hard watching her decline and equally as hard to watch CC worrying, watching and struggling to cope with something that was practically sprung upon him.  He has had no time to prepare, I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away from him and from Daisy but I can't. All I can do is be here and be supportive.  I hope that it's enough.

How Long Can Hate Last?

It has been since the first of June since I have spoken, truly spoken to the Son. He still refuses to speak to me as I will not apologize for "fucking him over".  I really don't see defending myself and telling the truth as such but there you are.  I miss him desperately.  I want nothing for the best for him.  He has texted twice for money which I gave him and that may have been wrong but I did.

I spoke to his recruiter who has kept in touch with him and the Son did attend orientation and according to the recruiter, is planning on moving to the dormitory/apartment at the end of the month.  He spoke with the Son earlier on the day I called so that is some good news.  I texted the Son about what day he was planning on moving and he said he didn't know. I told him I wanted to send  him some money for sheets, etc. and to tell him about the items in storage for his move but he didn't text back. I hate this and I am hoping eventually he grows up but what if he doesn't? What if this is never straightened out?  I don't like not  speaking with the Son or what is going on in his life.  Although "ignorance is bliss" or at least that is what they say, it drives me a bit nuts.  Don't get me wrong, I would not have changed my decision to move and be with CC over any of this but I wish somehow the Son would have been mature enough to understand.  All he says he feels is abandoned and betrayed. Although this is manipulative, it does hurt regardless of what common sense tells me.

From what I understand, the Dad didn't help him get his car out of impound, he still hasn't paid any child support since March (I have started proceedings about that) and basically, doesn't do anything much for him. But the Son will talk with him. Somehow, there are some flaws in his logic.  Not about money but I have always been the one there for him time after time but yet he will still talk with the Dad and not me.  For some reason, one strike and I'm out.  Nothing that happens with him ever seems to make sense at least as far as I can tell.

I know I can't fix him and can't live his life and I definitely can't MAKE him see reason.  It doesn't mean I have to like it though.  It makes me so sad...

Independence Day

Well, I have been here in my FL home for three weeks.  Although I miss the Son desperately, my life has taken on a calm it hasn't had in a long time.  The stress level seems to have dropped.  (I hope that means my hair will quit falling out).  CC and I are really two peas in a pod. I don't think things with us could be much better.  We have this fit that is hard to explain but it's good.

We have been busy over the past week.  We refinished the 3rd bedroom. Changed hardware, painted doors, etc. It totally finished but it looks soooooo much better than it did before.  No popcorn on the ceiling, a nice paint, furniture, etc.  We are very happy with they way it turned out.

We went to the Dunedin Brewery on Sunday last.  It was a really neat place. They say they are the oldest craft brewery in the state.  (Old is 16 years... really?) They did have some very delicious beverages on tap. I had a refreshing Apricot Peach Ale.  It was a great combination and went down well. Awesome for a hot day.

Wednesday was Independence Day.  What does that mean?  Bacon explosion!  Yep, we made our bacon explosion, smoked on the grill.  YUM! YUM!  Later that evening we took off for Dunedin to catch the fireworks at the ballpark where the Blue Jays spring train.  They were nice, it wasn't overly crowded and we were home in 10 minutes.  You really just can't beat that.  Thursday I worked. We had so many people out I just couldn't

Waiting for the fireworks!

  take off.  I did manage to take off work today though.  We had a great day!  We slept in and then gathered up some towels, jumped in the car and took the girls to the dog beach.  DeSoto park in St. Petersburg has a dog beach where the dogs can run off leash and play in the water. The park is beautiful. The views in and out were tremendous. It was a wonderful trip.  The dogs had never been and we thought they would like the treat.  Daisy seemed to really enjoy herself.  Maddie, well she was okay with it while she was chasing other dogs but after that she seemed to be nervous. I think all of the water and activity really seemed to get to her.  We ended up not staying very long but we did have a great time.  We came home in time for lunch and a swim.  Napping while floating in the

On the drive into the park

Maddie finally went swimming!

Everybody's happy!!

On the way back across to St. Pete

pool is something to not underestimate.  It was extremely relaxing.  We barbecued some chicken for dinner and wrapped up our evening with a movie.  Fantastic day and now here comes the weekend!

It's the End of the World as We Know It

I don't really know about the end of the world, but a piece of me is really hurting. I have still not spoken to my son since the incident at the house.  I have sent text messages but have not received a response. I have called w/o answer.

I received a phone call early Sunday morning around 2am. It was a police officer stating the Son was pulled over and has had some alcohol. He was not drunk but it was underage consumption. He was looking for someone to come and get him so he would not have to take the Son to juvenile detention.  The officer stated the Son told him I was in Florida but the Dad and the Gigi did not answer their phones and he would need a call back with what relative could come and get him, otherwise he would be forced to take him in.

I began to scramble.  I "blew up" the Dad's phone.  Just called and called and called. Every time it went to VM I just hung up and called some more. I finally got through to Gigi (the Grandmother), who like me began calling the Dad.  I finally got through to the Dad and told him what was going on, gave him the number to call for information etc.  That was the last that I heard.

I had sent the Son a text, asking him to call me when he could, that I was able to get in touch with his Dad.  No word.  I tried calling a few times on Sunday, the phone went straight to VM.  Roger, a friend of ours that always helped the Son with his cars sent a text Sunday afternoon asking if I could call him as he was wanting some tools of his back that the Son had borrowed.  Namely, one of those scanner things with all the chips to do the electrical system of cars.  Now I know darn good and well those things are very very expensive.  I told Roger I had not spoken to him and he doesn't answer my texts.  He says that he stopped at the Son's employer to talk to him but that they changed his hours to 10a-6p because the Son couldn't seem to get to work on time. They also said that he has not been himself in quite a while.  Always saying that he is broke and asking if people want to buy some tools.

All of this makes me feel quite ill.  I have given him money for his portion of rent and utilities.  He is currently working full time and I give him an extra $150 with the rent, plus he just graduated from school and I sent $100 not to mention whatever else family and friends gave him for graduation.  I can't understand where all of this is going.  Does he not have enough sense to keep ANYTHING back for gas, etc.?  Is he selling other people's possessions?  Is he spending it all on alcohol and drugs? I have no idea and don't know what to think anymore.  I lost control over him a long time ago and he had zero respect for me then and even less now.  He quit taking his medication. The pharmacy called and stated it had not been picked up even though I sent him three messages it was ready and to use his insurance card and it would not cost him anything.  I just had the store restock it.

I don't even know if he went to the orientation at school.  I guess I really need to call and find out.  He needs to go. I don't know what he thinks he will do without an education regardless of how he feels about me.  I love him more than anything but I can't apologize for something that is not my fault nor I provoked which is what he wants.  How would that do any good?

I am so worried about him and I don't know what to do.  The Dad seems to believe everything that comes from the Son's mouth and is still hacked off about the incident at the house, that someone needs to "pay" for what was done to the Son.  What he doesn't do, however, is try to actually be a parent.  He  seemed all inconvenienced that I called in the middle of the night for him to go and get the Son 25 miles from his home. I get those calls and I do it, no questions asked.  I still can't figure out how I am such the villain in all of this.

Times change no matter how much we don't want them to. My Son was the best thing that ever happened to me so long ago. I never imagined all of this.  How can this happen when all you ever do is love them?  It's almost as if someone has died.  I grieve over all of this but I don't know what else to do.  He has to learn that everyone else doesn't have the world revolving around him as I did.  I only hope that he does and doesn't go through life continuing to make such poor choices.  I talked myself blue in the face over the past several months.  All I can do now is pray.

KitKat Has Left the Building...

Not really, I have left Indiana though.  I finally was able to pack up the last of my belongings and catch a flight out a week ago.  This is my second week of working out of my house in Clearwater performing the same job I have been doing for 7 years in an office.  Not much different from what I can tell.  I just can't spend as much time chit chatting.  No one but the dogs to chat with at the house.  CC was home quite a bit the first week and it was nice.  I'm sure this will work out fine.  As soon as I got off the plane we went to Ikea and bought my new office stuff.  Desk, file drawer, chair, etc.  We also got a new king size bed so we can finally get some sleep as the dogs take up a lot of room.  They were able to deliver it on Tuesday and it is all coming together nicely.

We have been working on one of the spare bedrooms, that is where the queen size bed will now be residing.  We have taken down the popcorn ceiling, painted, new lighting, painted trim and closet doors, etc.  It will be such an improvement over its previous appearance.  It's nice to have yet another room off of our list.  I guess the next thing will be to get the two sets of french doors installed on the entrances to the living room. (office and study).  We didn't need a formal living room and we definitely would need an extra bedroom more so I reside in the living room.  There is a lot of space for all of my stuff and the lighting is good.

Tropical storm Debby raised her PMS head over the weekend.  I think we got about 8 inches of rain.  The pool overflowed.  We had to drain some of it out yesterday.  Our electricity went out Sunday night. We didn't get it back until late Monday afternoon.  Overall though, it wasn't that bad.

I really haven't heard anything from the Son.  I send text messages that are informative but are never returned.  My heart breaks over the whole thing.  He thinks he is owed an apology for the entire incident with the final move and I just will not apologize to him for him putting his hands on me.  There is absolutely no excuse for that.  So, we are a crossroads.  I still do not know if he went to his college orientation. I hope he did.  He needs an education and I am more than willing to provide that to him if he is smart enough to take advantage of it.

I am very happy to finally be here, in my home after all of this time.  We bought the house a little over a year ago and it has been a long road in getting here.  It's a good thing!

Mixed Emotions and Thoughts

It has been an eventful 6 weeks or so since my last post.  I have rented my home in Indiana and my work is allowing my relocation to our home in Clearwater.  That is the good news.  But, my last post may have been a bit premature.

The Son is NOT happy about renting the house.  We had to be out by June 1 and he was extremely angry I "rented it without consulting him". He felt betrayed as I always talked to him about such things.  The house was for sale so I didn't equate it to anything different.  He wanted him and his buddies to rent.  HELL NO!  I told him there is no way that would happen.  He can't keep his room clean and stop punching walls.  That house would be worthless in months.  He blew up, etc.  Screaming.  Two more holes in walls and me on the ground.

He moved out, a week or so before the end of school.  He wouldn't let me find a place for him to live.  He is in an apt. with his friend and I pay for the cost so he can get used to being on his own for the 8 weeks until he goes to college in August.

I moved everything out of the house.  The Son is being a disrespectful jerk.  He didn't help move anything other than what he took to that apt.  I had Roger, a friend of mine and a car mentor to Morgan help as Roger had a car and multiple other things in the garages as well.  May 31 we finished the move.  I was helping the new tenants move some things in (they are friends).  The brother of the tenants and I were unloading a truck when the Son showed up.  Tangent time...  Roger said he had s/w the Son and told him off. Basically he came over to jump at me because he got made to feel bad.  Transference.  Kid gets in trouble and comes home to kick the dog.  I'm jut the dog.  He began screaming at me as the car of Roger's was still in the driveway (he was trying to get it towed out).  The Son is upset as it may begin to hail and it would be on the car.  Then he is screaming at the brother of the tenant to go in the house, none of his business.  I was trying to keep the Son out of the house.  He punched dents into the truck I had borrowed from my mother, kicked planters next to the garage shattering them.  He took a fuse out of the truck to disable and got in his car and screamed out of the drive...  He came back.  He continued.  I called the police and told him his behavior was unacceptable and he said fine he would wait for them. Then I informed him he would need to contact his dad to get him out as I was not going to.  He did.

While we were waiting, more yelling and screaming broke out.  I told him he was being a jerk and no wonder he had so many issues with his GF.  Then he lost it.  Had grabbed my arms and had me on the ground.  The brother of the tenant came outside and got him off of me and they rolled and the Son pinned him (the Son was a wrestler).  I finally got the Son to get off of him and then the cops showed up.

They took pics of my wrist where I was grabbed, (two veins had blown) and they took the Son to juvie.     Friday I received a call from the local hospital. Apparently the Son was complaining of some pain and I gave consent to treat and insurance information. Then I received a call from probation.  As the Son and I do not live together, they were going to shelve his time. I consented to allowing his father to pick him up.  They were going to release on Monday but I asked for late Saturday as the Son's graduation was on Sunday.  They consented.

The Son would not speak to me the date of graduation.  I was hassled earlier in the day by his father wanting the name of the tenant's brother as he said, "the Son's face and neck are fucked up and someone needs to answer for that".  His father also said, "the brother 'attacked a 17 year old boy.....'".
Really?  Number one, there would have been no need for any other involvement if the Son didn't attack me.  And since when is 8 weeks or so shy of 18 a "boy"?  The Son is full grown and the brother was doing the right thing.  I never did get an answer from the dad when I asked if the "right" thing to do was to watch me potentially be harmed even further.  After the display on the vehicle and the rage he was displaying, I was lucky to have the brother there.

The Son is still really crappy to me the time or two I have seen him.  Like I owe him an apology.  I have given that child everything and this is what I get and how I'm treated.

I am still going to put him through school.  He needs an education if he is to support himself.  I'll be able to sleep at night knowing I have done my best to raise him.

The good news is I leave for Florida for good on Sunday 17th.  I took my car down a few weeks ago and flew back and am using my mom's truck until I leave.  Work is going to be absolutely crazy next week but it will end on a great note.

I hope the Son seeks help.  I have tried for years to no avail.  He will be 18 at the end of August and then he goes to big boy jail if he cannot control himself.

Topic Change
Okay, that was a downer, moving on...
So, in preparation for my departure, I have been trying to wrap things up.  I have gotten the Son his own car insurance policy because I cannot carry him if we are not in the same household.  I made a MD appointment and got new prescriptions, blood work, etc. so I will have everything in order and can take my time finding a new physician.  I have a dental appointment on Monday for a cleaning which will get my by 6 months until I can find a new dentist.  I went for a color and cut yesterday so I can go another 8 weeks before worrying about finding a hairdresser.  I tried something new.  I colored my hair a bit closer to the roots.  Tangent time...  When I was about 30, my hair color began to change.  I always loved my auburn hair but it began growing out this disgusting dull ashy brown.  I HATE IT!!  If my hair was still the right color I could live with the grays I have but this brown is disgusting.  I was blonde for several years as no one could get it the right shade of red.  I found someone who came close and have been doing the red for a few years.  With the prospect of having to find someone new, I thought if I went to a rich brown with some warmth, I could have enough time to find the right person to do my hair. So, that is what I went with.  It's early morning and I look horrible but here it is:

I like it but I like red better.  I don't know if I can leave it this way but we will see.  I don't think CC will like it as much as he does red.  I told him he will just get to feel like he is getting some "strange" when I come home on Sunday.  LOL!  Seriously though, I am considering telling my hairdresser she will just need to fly to Florida every couple of months.  It has been a real bummer thinking of finding new doctors, etc.  The doctor I have here is great. Their office is so efficient and she doesn't rush you and is very caring.  I have been going to the same dentist office for about 16 years.  they are on the other side of Louisville but as you only HAVE to go every six months, I just make the drive because they are so great.  I just explained earlier about the hair so it's been kinda a sad prospect of finding great people all over.  Heck, the local gas station makes sure there is a fresh pot of dark bold coffee waiting for me when I arrive in the mornings. I have known those people forever too.

Don't get me wrong, I cannot WAIT to be with CC and begin our lives together in Clearwater.  I just never realized how even the small things like morning coffee can mean so much and be such a change. Change is good and I definitely need it.  It's scary and exciting all at the same time. Peppered with the sadness you feel about the wonderful people you leave behind.  My move to Indiana was due to cost of housing and good schools but somewhere along the line it became my home too, just like Louisville and it has taken me leaving to realize it.

I guess I should wrap this up.  Stay tuned for the new adventures of KitKat and CC!!

  

A Glimmer of Hope

It has finally happened.  Not but a few days after spring break, the Son came to me and told me he wanted to go to the doctor. He said he was ready to go on some medication for his temperament/depression/etc.  It wasn't sinking in with him when I forced him into it but he now says he has scared himself and he realized I was right.  I told him I was proud of him for making the adult decision.  He took himself to the doctor and he is back on medication.  It has been almost two weeks.  I know it takes a few weeks to get it into your system and to make a difference but he is really starting to come around.  Maybe it is a psychological thing with him, knowing he is on something to help him even out his emotions but he does seem to be coming around.

For example, normally, if he is frustrated with a car; (like if something is giving him difficulty when attempting to fix), he would throw tools, curse, yell, basically make a fool of himself.  Yesterday he was having trouble with his car.  He was having trouble getting the lower control arm off because of the age of the car.  He had worked on it for some time before I got home from work.  He calmly told me what was happening, I watched for a minute, even made some suggestions I could help with and he stayed calm the whole time.  We ate, he went back out and finished up the task and was perfectly a sane human being.

Better living through pharmaceuticals!!

My Birthday Boy

I'm a couple of days late but life has been crazy as of late.  Work has been a nightmare.  I've been working 55-60 hours a week for at least 6-8 weeks and still am not caught up.  Our new contract launched 4/1.  We also had a new system put in for medical management with the same launch date and a new program to implement in my department.  THAT little endeavor required interviewing, hiring, training, etc.  Soooooooo..... I apologize for my absence.  All that time at work in front of a computer makes a person shy away from one when they absolutely don't need to use it.

I was in Florida for the week before CC's birthday.  I had lamented, stressed, pondered, and generally raked my brain over coals to decide what to get him.  I try hard to get gifts he can't or won't get for himself.  I'm not sure where the crossover happens, but there is a point in our lives when we just get the things we want leaving it difficult for gift givers to plan....  BUT.... About a week before I was due to fly out, it came to me.....   WATCH!!!!!!!!!

When we were on our cruise, we spent a lot of time in jewelry stores.  Not searching for rings or anything but looking at nice watches.  He had mentioned he would like a Breitling but didn't want to spend the money on it because he already had a Tag and so it was hard to justify in his mind..  Sooooooo......  I got on the internet to try to find a dealer here in town.  Thank goodness we had one!  Genesis Diamonds is the only place in 100 miles of here that sells Breitling watches.

Of course, I didn't know what the heck I was doing.  I mean, if we are shopping for a suit, shoes, handbag, bedding... Hell, just about anything else, I would have experience and feel confident.  But, I have never purchased a high end watch and really had no idea.  They were nice and the poor man that helped me put them on so I could see, explained all the features and what nots.  After a long while, I made my decision and bought one.

They told me at the store I could return it if he didn't like it and they gave me a book with all the watches they make in it.  They said they would order what he wanted, get a different band, blah, blah, blah.  Basically, buy one and make him happy in the end.

They shipped it to FL which helped with the sales tax thing and promised I would have it on Friday which was the day I arrived.  I knew I couldn't wait until closer to his birthday and would want to give it to him that day.  It was kinda cool I had it shipped as I have been having many things mailed to the house so he wouldn't think anything weird was going on.  BUT, I didn't count on the efficiency of FedEx.  They got to the house before we even arrived home from the airport.  When CC found the note on the door, I panicked!  I made up some lame excuse WHY we had to get it on the way to the restaurant.  Tangent-- We had tickets to Tony Bennett for that night and were going out to supper prior to the show.  At any rate, we did make it to the store and I was able to pick up the package.  While I was in there they were nice enough to help me get the box open and get just the box the watch came in into my purse. That was a feat.  I had a large handbag on purpose for that but I had no idea the SIZE of the box those things came in.  They say good things come in small packages but this was not small by a long shot.  Good thing my handbags are more like overnight bags...


So, we get to the restaurant and I give him his card.  He always gets two.  One funny one (at least to me) and one serious one (that freaks him out because he says I could have wrote them).  So I preface the gift stating his love for me is priceless. I cannot begin to express how much it means to me but I want him to let me try (something along those lines) and I give him the box.

He seemed extremely surprised.  YAY!  He didn't guess!  To be honest, I was afraid he was going to try to make me take it back. (Which I would not).  He didn't though, crisis averted!  He did feel it was kind of big though.  After the concert, I gave him the book to look through to see if there was anything he would prefer.

Before the Concert!!

Well, he looked.... And looked.... And looked....  Finally, he determined there wasn't one he liked any better.  I kept trying to convince him the watch wasn't as big as he thought. I think it looks awesome!  So, since I did a FABULOUS job choosing a watch, we went to the Breitling dealer in Belleair Bluffs to have a link or two removed, discuss warranty work, care, etc.  They were very nice.  We went to Columbia  for lunch and their yummy beverages and went home to relax before the Louisville/Florida game.  I took a picture of CC wearing his watch.  Kind of like shoe shopping, you have to get the view others will get.  A lot of shoes don't look attractive when you are staring straight down, you need to be looking at them from a different angle. He agreed, it didn't look as large from this viewpoint.  :)







I told a friend about the gift and they exclaimed  they couldn't believe I would pay for a watch like it was "jewelry".  I feel men, on the whole, are cheated when it comes to that sort of thing.  A man's wedding band, etc., never costs much.  A woman will want her "two month's salary" or whatever the going rate is for engagement rings.  A man deserves the same sort of treatment.  A man isn't as much into jewelry but a watch is a functional attractive item.  This watch will last him forever.  Why not buy him the best I can afford?  I get the best of him every day.  He deserves so much more.  You just can't put a price tag on love, respect, companionship, friendship, etc.  I would gladly give him everything I have.  Happy Birthday Baby!

How Stupid Does Someone Have to Be???

The Son and I are about to come to an understanding.  A "come to Jesus" meeting is on it's way.  The boy isn't smart enough to not shit where he eats and he is going to find out why very soon.  I'm done.  Stick a fork in me.  I've had it.  Nothing big but such the compilation of disrespect and I have had my fill.  I don't care if he realizes that is what he is doing or not.  I could just scream...  He needs to take his dope smoking butt AND his dope smoking friends and hit the road.  TIRED, I'm TIRED.  Blatantly while I'm home?  Really?  Can't turn my back anymore.  Can't pretend it doesn't exist.  He takes it as a pass and that is not it at all.  I can't seem to ever get my point across and I'm tired of trying to be a loving parent.  He is about to get the blast and I don't care.  I love my Son, but this will cease or he will go and live with his Dad or the state.  He can pick.  I'm tired of paying and picking up his messes and have him tell me on the other end how "grown" he is.  Game on.

The Things We Do For Love

Valentines Day is fast approaching and thoughts of love are in the air. Candy, flowers, cards and romantic dinners are being purchased and planned. But, in our tradition of nontraditional, CC has outdone himself yet again.
This past weekend I spent with CC in our Florida home. The plan was to remove the fountain in the backyard because it's a mosquito haven and Daisy tends to want to walk through it which in turn gets the swampy water all over her.
We have had this planned for a while. He was able to secure time off on Friday and the project began. He had mentioned before he had ordered a Valentines present for me and it would be arriving Friday. We had been out in the yard working like crazy when it finally arrived. He bought the Moai statue I found in a magazine!!!!!! I mentioned I thought it would look great in the spot the fountain was in months ago and HE BOUGHT IT!! I was so excited! It looks great! He is so thoughtful and full of surprises! I love him so much!!!! He makes everyday so special.

Taking a Bite of the Big Apple

CC took me on my Christmas present trip.  We took off Sunday afternoon (Jan. 15) and met up in Baltimore on the way to LaGuardia.  The flights were on time. Poor CC has to suffer my usual problem of the extra long layovers.  3 hours each way between BWI and TPA.  At least he will be going home to warm weather.  Mid 70’s beats the 28 degrees I’m flying into.  Louisville has the strangest weather.  It was in the 40’s when we left NYC.  It really was a fabulous trip.


Sunday afternoon we arrived with no difficulties and caught a cab over to the hotel.  We stayed on the Upper East Side, close to Columbus Circle which is at one of the corners of Central Park.  It was getting pretty dark as we traveled into the city.  After checking into the hotel, we walked a few places down and had dinner at a restaurant called The Coliseum.  The Giants vs. Packers game was on the television and the Packers looked as if they did not show up to play.  Needless to say there were a lot of happy Giant fans in the pub.


Travel tends to make us tired so we opted to go back to the hotel and plan out a strategy for the next day.

We were up and at’em early on Monday.  It was a holiday and the traffic wasn’t bad.  We went to the closest Starbucks for coffee and a bagel and went for a walk in the park.  It was 17 degrees, the coffee was great and the small amount of Central Park I was able to see is really beautiful, even in the winter.  Frank Olmsted designed the park and he did a fabulous job!  Tangent time… He also designed Louisville’s park system too, but it is not near as impressive..  There was a beautiful pergola behind the Naumberg band shell for wisteria.  

We timed our walk so we would wind up at Tiffany & Co. right when they opened.  I had no idea there were 6 floors to Tiffany’s.  The first floor is fine jewelry, which had a lot of very beautiful things.  The 2^nd was entirely devoted to engagement rings (we skipped this floor).  The 3^rd floor has silver jewelry, men’s items and some accessories and a small section for charms, charm bracelets, etc.  The 4^th floor had china and such so we passed by this floor as well.  The 5^th floor has accessories, gifts, etc.  It had quite a bit. Handbags, trinkets, you name it.  6^th is customer service, restrooms, and such.  It is a very big place!  Everyone was extremely polite and helpful.  CC bought me a ring.  (Now calm down, I said we skipped the 2^nd floor).  It’s actually quite a nice silver ring engraved with I Love You. It's fabulous!

Moving right along through our day, we headed over to Lombardi’s Pizza in Little Italy to grab some lunch.  It is a truly authentic coal oven pizza but it really isn’t the best I’ve had.  I’m fond of the pizza at Cristino’s in Largo. It is coal oven pizza and just seems to taste better to me.  After lunch we moved on over to Chinatown the next block over.

Now to hear CC talk about Chinatown, you would think he was describing a scene in a spy movie.  My interest in Chinatown was to obtain a knock-off Louis Vuitton handbag.  I know you shouldn’t, but they are still out there. People like me will never be able to afford the real thing. ($2,500 for a purse?).  So , off we went.  As we were walking down the street, a woman approached us with a photo brochure stating, “handbags?”  To which I responded, “Yes”. From there it really gets a bit sketchy.  You look at the brochure, pick one out and ask how much.  CC was able to negotiate a discount, bless him.  Then they tell you to wait 5 minutes.  The women take off and 5 minutes later one comes to get you, walk you down the street a bit and hugging a van pretty tight, show you the handbag in a black sack.  Once you agree it is the one you want and you are going through with the purchase, the money exchanges hands and the women disappear.  CC was very amused!  I don’t think he realized such a thing existed. At least not the complicated way in which it went down.

Ice box behind the bar.

Our last stop in Chinatown was the Mayahban  Buddhist Temple.  It was very ornate inside.  We received a fortune for a donation and took a couple of pictures.  We did quite a bit of walking after that.  We walked through SoHo, we saw The Village Voice newspaper office.  We also found a very very old pub called McSorley's.  When you ask what is on tap, you get “dark ale and light ale”.  WELL, that sure makes it simple.  The glasses were a bit small but the beers were 2 for 5.  I had 4 and CC had 6.  We chatted with a couple in from Boston who lived in Louisville for a time.  After our beverages, we were back off again.

Our walk continued until we ended up at The Museum of Sex.  Who knew such a thing existed?  There is a lot of reading and it is presented in a documentary type way; some video but not a lot and not so much to be inappropriate.  You enter through a toy  shop and there is a bar called OralFix in the lower level.  The museum itself is 3 stories.  I would tell more but it is definitely something one should see on their own.  There was an eclectic mix of people attending the exhibits as well.

The next thing on the list is Times Square.  It was beginning to get dark and all of the lights were on.  It was really quite something.  There is quite a bit of space where a person can stand in the center.  Roads closed, etc.  There is lots of shopping, some quick foods, etc.  I took several pictures and thought it was quite fantastic.  It was a different type of lights than Las Vegas.  I’m not exactly sure how to qualify that statement though.

We shopped around for a place to eat and found an Irish Pub about a block off the square.  We had a couple of beers, some dinner and chatted at the bar with a couple and a fellow at the bar who was a local. He had a very Brooklyn accent and was very Italian. It was an amusing time.

The highlight and grand finale of the night was he also got us tickets to a show! This is really saying something, as most of the theaters are dark on Mondays.  He got us tickets to Rock of Ages AND the seats were FRONT ROW CENTER!!!  The show was excellent!  It was my first Broadway show.  I’ve been to touring versions but that is not the same.  Lots of singing along happening up front too!  It was a wonderful time!

We took the train back to the hotel after a very action packed day!  Due to the alcohol on board and the length of the day, I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

We started Tuesday a bit later than Monday.  I ran over to Starbucks and grabbed us coffees and bagels and brought them up to the room. CC wasn’t feeling awesome.  He thought he had a headache from the alcohol, but I believe he was caffeine deprived.  He normally drinks several Diet Cokes a day.  He hasn’t had much soda on this trip.  I know how bad I feel without adequate caffeine on board.  Yukky.

By 10 we were out and about.  As soon as we got out, it started to rain….  No umbrella on us.  I used my scarf to cover my head it wasn’t too bad.  We walked around quite a bit. We decided to take in the Empire State Building.  They tried to tell us.  Visibility was poor.  I had always wanted to go to the observation deck just like in An Affair to Remember with Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr.  We went and it was so high, we were essentially standing in the middle of a cloud!  It was still good, there are a lot of displays on your way to the top.  Apparently when the place is busy, there can be a 3 hour wait!  Afterward, we decided lunch was in order. We managed, somehow, to find the UK ALUMNI BAR!  It was called Jack Demsey’s.  As CC opened the door, I saw the alumni sticker on the door.  I just couldn’t believe it.  It doesn’t seem to matter where I go; I always manage to run into UK fans.  Cruise ships, Mexico (shop owner had on a UK t-shirt). In Tampa, UK plates on cars, UK merchandise in stores.  It’s almost become a bit of a joke.  I just can’t quit laughing. (It even says home to the UK Wildcats on the website!)  I did send pictures to Patti (my Admin. Asst. and the biggest UK fan I know) and we had an enjoyable lunch.  The food was reasonable and very plentiful.  It was a good place to sit out some of the rain.  We then headed over to 30 Rock and I was able to take pictures of Rockefeller Center.  There were a couple of people skating but the problem was the rain. It was raining a bit to hard for me.  If one of us fell, we would be soaked!  We walked indoors at the Lego store.  There are some really large Lego sculptures in there.  They did a model of 30 Rock and Rockefeller Center. It was very large and very accurate.

We had a wonderful time just knocking about NYC even with the rainy day!


We headed back to the hotel and took a small nap.  That evening, we headed out to Madison Square Garden for some HOCKEY! Yes, it was the NY Rangers versus the Nashville Predators!  It was pretty cool.  We were able to take the subway to the Gardens.  Penn Station comes out right there and we were able to head upstairs and voila, we were there!  No walking outside, no parking a car.  15 minutes across town!  Amazing!  Even more amazing, there were other Predator fans there besides us.  Jerseys and all!  The fans all around were really nice. (At least there was no outward hostility or verbalization).  We didn't win the game but it was a wonderful experience.  The people around us were sincerely nice and didn't seem to mind we were cheering for the other team. (Maybe because we were losing?)  Anyway, getting back was just as easy as getting to the game.  The subway is right there, not a long wait and we were back at the hotel before we knew it.

We stopped at a pizza place on the corner next to the hotel, grabbed some slices and headed back to the room.  Pizza was great, vacation was great, company was the best!  It was a wonderful Christmas gift!  The best ones are the ones you can share with others.  CC made my first trip to New York a fabulous one!  I'm the luckiest girl on the planet!!

Heartbroken

I never thought the day would come that I would honestly say I do not like the Son.  He is absolutely impossible.  His behavior towards anyone who contradicts his belief in how he wants to live his life is animalistic.  He bites off people's heads, is insubordinate and disrespectful to those in authority and then wants to cry when his girlfriend leaves him.  I have no idea what she has done to him but I have witnessed how he has treated her and all I can say is it took her longer than I thought it would.  In my day, I would have dumped him a long time ago.  He is charming and then can be hateful with no warning it is coming.  Ask him what he wants for dinner and your head gets bitten off and then when you say something about it he screams about all he wants is to be left alone.  Sorry, crystal ball is in the shop.  I do not predict moods and I definitely did not deserve the behavior you exhibit.

He feels he doesn't need a babysitter yet, he carries on like a child.  Of course he never sees his behavior as such, he sees it as being so misunderstood by the world, feeling it is obvious where he is and how he is feeling that the rest of us are blind, stupid or both.

I don't like him.  I don't like what he has become.  I don't think it can be stopped.

I apologize to the whole female race when I say, "I'm sorry, I have raised yet another asshole and let him loose on the planet."

The Power of Positive Thinking

It seems you can't turn around anymore without someone shoving positivity down your throat.  For most of us, it isn't that we are not counting our blessings, it's more things aren't going quite the way we plan and it's a definite downer.  For instance, people are not happy when they lose their house to foreclosure but yes, are grateful they can rent an apartment.  It doesn't mean they are still not upset over the loss of their home.

I am typically a glass 2/3 empty kind of person.  I will see ways things can fail so I don't waste what precious optimism I have.  (I tend to drag it out only on special occasions).  I will have a plan A, plan B, etc.  In this fashion, I am never disappointed when things don't work out, and can only be pleasantly surprised when they do.

So, with all of that being said, I don't buy all the malarkey about "positive thinking".  Believe it and it will happen.  Or, if it doesn't work out the way you wanted, it's because you have a blessing coming your way.  Riiiiiight.  Okay, does that mean if someone applies for 10-15 jobs and is qualified for them all but is not selected, they have a blessing coming their way?  The PERFECT job is out there for you?  Whatever; they could lose their home and be living in the apartment discussed earlier waiting for all of that to happen.

I believe we control what happens to us to some extent.  Everything in life happens, we react to it.  Or not...  I do know a few people who have difficulty making decisions so they make the decision  NOT to make a decision.  So, basically everyone else is making decisions affecting their lives and they are miserable....  And then complain.

Yes, life happens, we all have hiccups in our plans, sometimes total detours ("I think I should've made a left at Albuquerque" - Love me some Bugs Bunny).  But those that take life and deal with it, maybe alter their course and plow on with determination are the people who are successful and satisfied with their lives.. They may not be the epitome of eternal happiness, but they are in control of their destiny, life is not spinning out of control and they can take pride in what they have accomplished.

I know this is a bit of a ramble and probably doesn't make much sense.  I just get so tired of people telling me how I need to think positive.  I DO think positive...  About the way I handle and deal with things.  I am positively confident in my abilities.  I do NOT, however, place my confidence, happiness, and misguided positivity in what I have deemed to be risk, doomed to fail situations or in people who seem to have issues with follow through but are always "positive" this next plan will work out.  Call me crazy.......

Gin and Juice

Let's here it for Snoop Dog.  "With my mind on my money and my money on my mind".  Of course, I'm not "Sippin' on Gin and Juice", but wine. A nice Carmenera.  I know, how bourgeois.  Nothing gangster here.  Snoop does have a few catchy lyrics and right now that one is the most appropriate.

We have a lot going on.  Everything, of course, is getting more and more expensive except for real estate. Even so, I can't seem to get a bite on the house.  CC and I are basically in a position like we were right out of college.  Broke.  Except now we actually have a lot to lose. I really need to sell this house in Indiana.  It's a great house, don't get me wrong, but I would much rather live with my CC in our new house in Clearwater, FL.  The climate is better, the sports teams are better, the company is better, the pool is better....  Oh wait, I don't have a pool here.  So basically, that house wins out hands down!!!

Right now with the two mortgages, two car payments, two sets of utility bills, airline tickets, Son related expenses and savings depleted, it's time to get really serious here.  I don't want to ask the Family for help. Not that they wouldn't give it but damn!  I'm 44 years old.  One would think relying on your relatives is a thing of the past at my age.  My pride won't let me.  Well.... If I was a day from foreclosure I might, but you know what I mean.  I have been spending my time praying that this mild winter holds out.  I won't have to fill the propane tank so soon seeing as the electric heat pump can handle it but I think the fact that I have gone from my usual fill in November until January, my luck is probably running out.  It will be about 400-600 depending on the price of propane they day they come to fill it.  The best investment I made was to buy the tank when I moved in instead of renewing the lease on it.  It was a straight up $500 investment but you get at least $1 off each gallon of propane.  The thing paid for itself on the first fill.

The Son continues with grandiose ideas on what he wants to do to make money, cars he wants to build, etc.  Of course all of that rides on us owning this home which while it's nice, I have no intention of doing long term.  I talked to my realtor Jennifer and told her she needs to sell this thing quickly before the Son destroys it.

Ah, the latest update..  Tangent time!!
I returned to Louisville right after the New Year on Tuesday.  I arrived without any hiccups in the Ville and started my trek to the house.  Upon arriving there were a few of the Son's friends here congregating in the basement.  The house looked pretty decent for having a teenager here with just a friend of mine who is older but not necessarily more responsible.  I instructed the Son to clean up the garage floor as we were to have someone come to look at the house in a few hours.  His response, "I don't know what you want me to do about the blood, good luck with that."  Blood?  I didn't see any blood!!!!!  I asked him what he was talking about and one of his friends noted there was trash in the floor from the stereo installation that occurred in my absence.  Yes... I was talking about that... But blood???  I would not be distracted... I asked three times about it before I received a response.  "The GF punched me in the nose and my nose bled; but I deserved it."   Oooookkkaaaaayyyyy...  Maybe, just maybe, that is information I would just rather not know.  Needless to say, there was bloody towels in the laundry, blood on the garage floor, blood on the wall entering the basement bathroom and some on the basement carpet....  SWEET!  Just what a girl needs before her house is shown!!!


End of the tangent.  Needless to say I had some mixed feelings.  On one hand I was pretty proud of the GF as she stood up for herself and apparently stopped him dead in his tracks.  But on the other it was a bit disturbing it came to that as it means the Son and the GF somewhere down the line think that is acceptable behavior. (She was in the crowd of friends here on my arrival).  I have never struck nor have had anyone strike me in the Son's presence.  I am unsure where this whole thing arises.  The Son is actually quite a jerk to the GF and I don't know how it has lasted as long as it has.  I guess there is truth in the "girls stay with the guys that treat them like shit" theory.  That's all I can come up with.

Looking back amongst all of the ramblings above, I've gotten a bit off of topic.  Sorry about that.
Back to business.
The realtor has told me her company will do property management.  Basically, if I decide to take this place in IN off of the market, they will handle renting it.  Background checks, financial checks, issues with pipes, etc.  It would be a load off of my mind to have someone local watching over the place if I do need to rent.  Rent, of course, would include yard upkeep.  I have a person who has been mowing the grass throughout the warm season. It would be a throw in.  You can't expect people to buy $6,000 mowers to take care of 1.5 acres they don't even own.  I would reinstate my contract with the HVAC guys I have been using for a few years.  Routine maintenance included and you get bumped up the list should something happen with the HVAC.  I would rather sell, but you always need to have a Plan B.

Now the holidays are over I have already been contacted by a couple of head hunters.  I am hopeful I can find suitable employment soon.  Maybe, just maybe, it will all work out in the end.  We can only hope.  Everyone cross your fingers...