Instructions Not Included

It's crazy how so many people want children without actually knowing what they are getting into.  Most often times when making large purchases, we will pick up items, read the box, compare to other items prior to investing money in the item.  We will surf the net, do the research, compare and contrast what is available and make an informed decision.  Interestingly enough, people just jump right out there and have children without any research at all. (P.S. They are WAAAAYYY more expensive than any huge flat screen television or high performance car you may consider).

It's "time".  "My clock is ticking". "But all my friends are having kids..." These are phrases heard when the decision is made to start a family.  No logic involved.  You don't have to have a license  or a permit or even show proof of income.

It sounds good at the time.  You spend 9 months preparing for the birth of the unknown.  Boy or girl?  Red head or blond?  Tall? Short? Healthy?  You just never know what you are going to wind up with but we dive in and embrace it.

When they are born, you are caught up in the newness of parenthood.  You don't seem to mind the puking pooping mess that seems to constantly spew from the little one.  Some people even respond to it by saying, "Awwww... Isn't he/she cute?"  All of the firsts begin to happen.  Rolling over, crawling, walking, first words, etc.  We are hooked.  Then.... the challenges begin...

Toddlers can be extremely willful.  I believe some of this stems from genetics but the rest is just a child's innate desire to test their parents (or any adult) every chance they get.  "NO!" Becomes their word of choice.  It is the start of the never ending battle for independence.  If you didn't have patience by this time, you best start getting some).

School starts, another first.  We are all happy and teary-eyed watching them get out of the car and go into the school for the first time.  They stop wanting hugs and kisses goodbye. Mine went so far as to tell me I had to do it before we reached the school because he didn't want anyone to see if I absolutely had to do it.  They really begin to fine tune their personality at this point. Even at this young age, the kids begin falling into their cliques. You have the social, social and smart, jocks, kids that just get by, the attractive, unattractive, and so on.  Some things never change from generation to generation.

Middle school fuels the division between the groups.  They still need you but only when they are in trouble or need money.  The migrate from one group of friends to another.  It sometimes happens so fast that you miss entire groups altogether.  They begin having girl/boyfriends.  A social life.  And, without the ability to drive, your role changes to that of chauffeur.  Parents become nothing but the personal taxi of their offspring.  The kids will join clubs, sports teams, etc.  You spend a lot of time in your car, waiting outside of the school, outside of a friend's house, picking up other children going the same way.  You find yourself leaving work early, going in late, to accommodate their schedules.  Before you know it,  you are doing your weekend chores during the week because you have just been informed your weekend will be spent sitting on bleachers, or in a field for some marathon sporting event. AND, you have been designated to bring water, snacks, etc. for the entire team.

Tangent.  Some facts about sports in middle school....
-Practices are generally held after school. (This is good).  However, they seldom last long enough for you to transition from work to the school for a timely pick up. (This is bad).  You need to leave work early on practice days.... (This is also bad).
-Many middle school sporting events are held during the week (This is good). Some of them begin early, almost right after school causing you to leave work early yet again if you are going to watch (this is bad).
-Coaches will often call you about transportation for other team members whose parents are unable or unwilling to attend. (this is neutral).  But, if the parents never show up at the event, you can be stuck taking them home (this is BAD.  At least where I live.  Only three middle schools in the county so trekking across a county can take a considerable amount of fuel and time).  My advice is to by a car that will only hold you and your offspring.  "Sorry coach, no room".

Okay, back to middle school..  This is where you really wish there was an instruction manual.  The things you witness or hear about that go on at this age, you cannot seem to remember ever happening when you were in school.  They begin having sex, (at least a few of them), they talk about it, etc.  You can only remember maybe some intense kissing at this stage..  They go on group dates.  They meet at the movies (no mom you can't stay and watch one, even if it is in another theater).  So, you have to keep yourself occupied until the appropriate pick up time.  They make weekend plans by Wednesday so you make your own plans, just to find out Friday night they have changed several times since then and therefore have ruined the ones you have made.  The constant request for money begins.  It began with the obligatory funding for participation in sports, clubs, field trips, etc.  It begins to blossom out into spending money.  For a kid who can't drive, they ask for quite a bit of it.  (This intensifies by the way.  See high school).  You begin to doubt whether or not you are cut out for parenting, long for periods of time where your kiddo is staying with a friend so you can slow down and breathe, and dread whatever is coming next.

We eventually survive and make it to high school.  This is where you really want the manual.  Decisions you make, can set precedent.  It's worse than the supreme court.  Kids have a fantastic memory for what you say when it is what they want to hear or if it was something you okay'd in the past but now think you should have handled differently.  When the situation arises again, going against a former decision is noted, called out and argued until you break.  You begin to believe your child would make a great lawyer.  Funny thing is, they DON'T remember to do what you asked five minutes ago.  "Would you please bring up your laundry?"  Child says, "Can it wait until a commercial?"  You agree.  5 hours later, no laundry and a "I forgot" when you ask again. (This is coupled with a look telling you that you are a pain in the ass).  Money flies out of your bank account.  Money for sports, class ring year books, school fees, dances, entertainment, orthodontics, cars, insurance, gas, clothes. Shoes for basketball, wrestling, running, etc. It never seems to end.  I also spend a large amount of income on food.  There is 5-6 teenage boys in this house at any given time and they eat nonstop.  CC calls them a plague of locusts.  Apparently no one else's parents bother to feed them.  They all eat here.  I need to begin charging a cover at the door...

They know EVERYTHING!   Nothing you have to say is right.  You are stupid.  ANYONE can tell them something but not you.  They will insult you, hurt your feelings, treat you like a servant and then turn around and ask you for a favor.  The entire world revolves around them and you are just lucky to be in it.  Now they have girlfriends, have sex, drink etc.  Stuff they don't tell you about but you know is happening.  Kids nowadays ask parents to buy alcohol and let them have a party where everyone stays the night.  NO!  Not here. Not this mother.  I'm sure all the other parents are buying their kids Hummers and Porsches for their first cars too but not here.  Really?  How stupid do I look?

At times it looks as if I will never survive.  I also look at the son and wonder if he will ever mature enough to take care of himself.  The whole thing is wearing me out...