Hope May Spring Eternal...

Yes, contrary to popular belief I can be a positive person. I do my best to hide that quality about myself. I try to pull it off being mean and pessimistic but I do have some optimism. I think it may be a self preservation tactic but it does exist. It exists regarding the Son.

I know, I know. He hasn't amounted to much of anything and hasn't shown any signs of improvement. It is a hard thing to explain the special weird love a person has for a child but I just can't seem to stop hoping that things will turn around. Realistically, he isn't going to graduate this year. He has yet in the last 4 years attempted to show any desire to achieve, much less over achieve. Summer school here he comes again. But, every year I hope that things will be different. I have yet to see him crack a book, he didn't do his summer reading but yet I am still hopeful he will manage to graduate on time. I must be desperate for something positive but I do this to myself every year.

I upset my CC when I asked him to stop pointing out the obvious and to let me have my hope. My hope is always dashed. I know what he says is true. But because I love my son, every year I hope. I hope I'm not disappointed, I hope he does as he promises. It doesn't happen but at the beginning of every school year I have hope. Unconditional love does that to you. I don't know how to explain it to CC. I wasn't trying to be critical, just trying to explain myself. I agree with everything he says but I cannot help having some hope. Without hope, what does one have? I love the Son. That will never change. You always want the best for your children. Even if you don't like them some of the time, you love them ALL of the time. I have hope, sometime things will be different. Sometime things may change. Sometime he may realize his faults. Sometime he will realize just how much I love him.

I love CC. I have always loved him, even when I didn't realize it. I would do anything in the world for him. I am trying to move before the Son is out of school. It wasn't the original plan but after the first house fell through, CC was ready to move to FL. We kept looking until we found a house that suited us. The Son doesn't feel as if he needs me. I know he does but he shuns me so whatever. I have somewhere for him to stay if I move before he is out of school. I am hoping to sell the house. I want to be with CC. I hope he knows that. I just can't abandon my child regardless of if he thinks he can take care of himself or not. He is still only a child and judging by his behavior will be one long after my responsibility for him legally dissipates. I want to do right by the Son, but I do realize my responsibility for his happiness is coming to an end. He has always been ready to leave the nest (whether he can actually afford to or not). I'm doing my best to balance my life until a job comes through, the house sells, a combination or whatever, Basically, I'm doing my best to hang in there. I just hope everyone understands I am giving it 100% and trying my damnedest to make all involved happy campers.

DIY masters!

It was another weekend of work on the house. CC and I finished installing the flooring in the bedroom and got the bedroom put back together before I had to come to the airport. I know I keep promising pictures but I have been lazy about loading them.

I'm currently sitting in the airport waiting for my plane to take me back up north. I hate leaving. I can't stand waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. I have left several messages and have sent e-mails and have not had any response. It is very frustrating to not have any idea where we are in the whole process. I need to be here with CC. For both of our sakes. It is so hard being apart. The Son will be staying with his friend Kyle. He has no interest in living in Florida. As it is his senior year, of course he wants to finish there. I can understand that. They are showing the house quite a bit. It showed yesterday and today. I am hopeful I can get someone who isn't three contigencies down the line so we can sell and moved to close. The Son will move in with his friend, I will stay with some friends. What furniture doesn't go with the Son will go into storage for him at a later date and time. At least if I get the job I applied for. If not, I may need to sign a lease on an apartment to get us by until I get a position in Tampa. If the house sells, I may have to look outside the company but I don't really want to do that. I have worked there for so long. I have my retirement, seniority etc. and it is a great place to work. I know I'm rambling but I am so ready to move foward with my life. My life with CC has always been long distance minus the few months spent in Indiana before finding our Florida home. I'm ready for us to be together full time, all the time.

And The Renovation Continues..

I finally made it back home Thursday, the Son and Girlfriend in tow. It has gone relatively smoothly. I can't, however, remember being so ADD when I was young. If I've heard bored once I heard it a dozen times. Friday morning we got up and we all went to the beach. We didn't stay long as the kids were "bored" after a few hours. I don't know if they don't know how to just be with each other or what. There was about 15 minutes of heavy rain which past and they were able to take a wave runner out for 30 minutes but they just couldn't sit still and I guess they don't know how to occupy their time. CC and I are great just sitting and reading and playing a game, drinking a couple of beers etc. but the kids just don't seem to get that. Maybe with time.

Friday night CC and I went to the movies and the kiddos just hung out at the house, stating they were tired. We ordered them a pizza and off we went to see Cowboys and Aliens which is an interesting movie to say the least.

Saturday we woke early, left money for the kids to get lunch and CC and I were off to Ikea to do some heavy duty shopping. (God help us with a clean credit card). We spent 3 hours at Ikea and left quite a bit lighter in the wallet and flooring and wardrobes to be delivered Sunday! Yay! The closet may come together yet! On arriving home, we found the ladder moved in the garage. Apparently, the Son, being as bored as ever, decided climbing the large live oak in the yard sounded like a good idea. After scratching up all exposed skin trying to get started, he went to the garage, took out the ladder and used it to get a start on the tree. I was informed he walked up and down all the long limbs, walked the roof and jumped to the ground. Go figure... Kid gets a death wish when he doesn't even know where to have the ambulance show up should he need one...

Today was filled with activity. I did a bit of housecleaning while CC ran to finish the errands we didn't get to yesterday. The parents came in around 11:30 and Dad helped CC assemble the miter saw table and I hit the pool for an hour with my step mom. The Ikea truck came and everything was unloaded into the living room. We took the kids to the mall for a bit and CC began laying the floor of the infamous closet! We are hoping to get the floor in the closet and the wardrobes assembled tonight. Wish us luck! Pics to come!