I Love You... Why?

# 247:  A little bit of red in a sea of orange is not embarrassing, it just increases the fun factor!

#248: The drive is always worth it!

You Are The First, My Last, My Everything (Barry White)

Barry White came up in conversation today. Well... Text conversation.  I quoted a song by Bad Company that happened to have the same title as a Barry White song.  Point being, the Bad Company song was the one I was referring to, not the Barry White version.  So... I thought I would post the Barry White song that reminds me of my CC...  :D

I Love You... Why?

CC and I have a verbal banter that generally starts in this fashion.  One of us says they love the other, and the other says why?  The reasons go from deep to very superficial and can often be quite funny. People who do not know CC and me very well are a bit perplexed at how we can be at the stage in the relationship in such a short time span.  I suppose they have a valid point, looking at the relationship from the outside in and with no real background as to our past.  How can a person from UT and one from UL who meet at Nebraska possibly have this type of relationship at this juncture?  Well, we have no idea…  Just kidding!

It started in a very normal kind of way.  I saw him, thought he was cute and offered up food.  Albeit it was free pizza but I was willing to share. (Anyone who has ever seen me eat knows what a big deal that is).  We started talking and voila.  I loved him from then on. I don’t know if it is because we share a brain, love the sound of trains (which happen to cross Nebraska’s campus by the dorms) or because I just had to have his Beta softball jersey but we were a couple from the time we met.

So, in an effort to explain why, I will begin to list all of the reasons why I love CC.  Please note, beyond the first reason, they are in no particular order.  My thoughts are random and tangential and I will be all over the board with this I am sure…

1. He is my best friend.  True.  The man knows more about me than I do.  Grant it, there is a 20 year gap but as far as the crucial not so flattering points, he knows them all…. And still loves me.
2. Phone bills.  When we were young and in college, there were no such things as cell phones.  (I know!!!  We are old!!!). Anyway, he worked a variety of odd yucky jobs to make enough money to pay for our long distance phone bills.  We could really rack them up.  We are getting ATT back now, 20 years later. *smile*!
3. He gave me his favorite Beta softball jersey, never to be seen again.  It was well loved in my care though.  I wore it until it was practically in shreds.
4. Commonalities are ridiculous!  This explains the shared brain comment above. On our 2nd “first date” in March we discovered: a) We eat the same foods (picked the exact same things off of a menu at a place neither of us had ever dined before)
b) Orbit Wintermint c) Blackberry jam d) Diet Coke
5. Sun Chips and Big Red
6. Loft at the fraternity house listening to James Taylor
7. Pancake syrup is sticky
8. He has the sexiest legs I have ever seen on a man
9. When he holds me I swear the rest of the world does not exist
10. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful and important person on the planet. Ever.

Now I realize many of these things are not deep or philosophical.  Most of them are not.
Some have stories behind them and others just illustrate the type of man he is. The reasons are serious and silly, the list is endless.

KitKat in Wonderland

Vacation has always been a time for me to take the kiddo somewhere, visit family, fix something on the house, move, maybe just hang out at the house for a bit. Everyone else took them to actually go places, not me. I have always done my sightseeing on the travel channel. When CC asked me to go on vacation with him, I was so excited! I was going to actually go somewhere...

As my son was visiting family for a graduation the same weekend, it really cleared up my schedule and my mind . Son was going to be with his father, multiple states away and my time was my own. I didn't have to worry about him burning down the house or trying to change SUV's into U-boats.

After work on Thursday I took off for Nashville as our flight was scheduled to leave on Friday morning. Traffic was remarkably light - a good sign. After a warm greeting courtesy of CC and the girls, we went to talk with the neighbors to let them know we would be away for the weekend. Brian and Doug are a hoot! We finally got away and left for a yummy dinner at a restaurant called Rumours. WOW! We had the most amazing gnocchi! (Did I spell that correctly?) They had a couple of drink specials as well. I had a "Kentucky Smash". Bourbon, lemon, honey and mint. Yummy! (Note to self, attempt to recreate that one at home). *wink*

The next day we were up and at it early. CC grabbed us a quick breakfast and we packed up and took the girls to the kennel. We arrived at the airport without incident and were quickly on our way to sunny Florida! The flight was uneventful, the gods were smiling upon us and we were in the rental car and on our way in no time. There was a minor mishap when CC almost broadsided a car in the parking garage but I squealed just in time. No one was hurt, not a scratch on either car. The only evidence of the incident was my heart pounding out of my chest for 10 minutes afterward.

We stopped at Crabby Bill's on the way in for a bite to eat and a tasty beverage. Beverage of the day was a Zombie! It was a nice kick off to our vacation. Enjoying the outdoors with a cocktail and discussing what possibilities lie before us.

The weather was beautiful. We found our hotel without difficulty. It would be a bit hard to miss as it resembled a huge pink cake. There was nothing around close to its size. We checked in, found our room. They were very large. There was a kitchen with stainless steel fridge, cooktop etc. Flat panel t.v. and the most wonderful view from the balcony. All in all it was one of the best hotels I have ever stayed in.




We decided to take a stroll along the beach and just check everything out. We needed to get our toes in the sand! We walked along the beach and down to the pier. Vendors and entertainers were all around. There was everything from jugglers to artists. We decided to start walking back and went to a restaurant a couple of doors down from the hotel. They had live music and Red Stripe beer! We shared a few of the appetizers which were delicious! We decided we would spend Saturday at the beach so we went in search of the necessary supplies (Cooler, frosty beverages, ice...). We were successful on our hunt and took the supplies up to the room and settled in for some rest and "relaxation"....

Saturday morning was absolutely gorgeous! CC ordered up some room service and we had breakfast on the balcony. Belgian waffles and an omelet. The food was great and the atmosphere was as good as it gets. Did I mention the view?
We finished breakfast, dressed and packed up for the beach. We found our spot and set up for the day under a big shady umbrella. I know a lot of people don't have the patience for a full day at the beach. I believe "bored" is a word often uttered. We wiled away the time playing a trivia game I had brought along. It allowed for leisurely play and entertainment while sunning ourselves. We played, read, people watched. Enjoyed the beach and each other. It was a perfect day. We finally decided we had enough sun and surf and returned to the room to clean up. Sunday would be fishing and we needed to find a boat. We walked to the marina and secured passage on a boat called "Above Average". We then went to CC's FAVORITE place, Cooter's. It was a very laid back place with good food and cold beer. We enjoyed gator bites, grouper cheeks and crabby shrimp dip washed down with Shock Top beer. Delish! After supper, we headed back to the room (via the beach) for a nice stroll and cool sand between our toes.

Sunday morning came along with our breakfast. The night before we placed our order for tasty room service and breakfast was right on time. We again ate on the balcony, watching the sun come up. Today's fare included salmon, cream cheese, red onions and capers on a bagel for one entree and sticky bun french toast with pecans for the other. Let me just tell you, this was fantastic! I don't know who thought to take a pastry and cook it in the same manner as french toast but this stuff rocked! I was envisioning french toast with the flavor of sticky buns. Not MADE from sticky buns... Mmmmmmmm good!

After filling our tanks on such a yummy breakfast, we headed over to the marina. We had two additional people who would be fishing with us. A man named Simon and his son, Landon. They were excellent companions for us on my maiden voyage. Captain Richard took us out into the bay to begin fishing. We were trolling for fish today.
After a fashion and many moves throughout the bay, we really began to catch some fish. We caught King and Spanish Mackerel, Bonita and Lizard fish. The Bonita and lizard fish went back into the bay but they were fun to catch. The trip was excellent, we finished catching a lot of fish! (Simon even caught a crab trap!) We headed back to the marina with a cooler full of fish. The nice thing about fishing in this manner is the cleaning and filleting of the fish is handled by someone else. Richard made short work of that chore.


We did manage to take pictures of the fish before they became supper.

We took our catch across the way to Crabby Bills. They will cook your fish for you that you brought in from your fishing excursion. We had some of it blackened and some of it fried. Mackerel is a very mild fish. The blackened was by far the best way to eat it. Our bellies full of fish, we made our way back to the room. We decided to hang in the room and relax a bit. We found out that the television did work and snoozed a bit while watching some t.v. As we ate so late in the afternoon, we found supper wasn't necessary and stayed in the rest of the evening. We managed to occupy ourselves without any difficulties.... Another perfect day had come to a close.

I awoke early on Monday morning. I was awake for a good 1.5 hours before I just couldn't stand it any longer and woke CC. It was a bit subdued. We knew we were on our way home. The weather was not as we had enjoyed it the previous few days. It was cloudy and raining steadily while we began to gather our things and prepare for departure. The rain may have made it a bit easier to leave, but I would have stayed if given the opportunity.

We arrived to a sunny afternoon in Nashville. We picked up the girls from the kennel (they were soooo glad to see their Daddy) and headed towards the house. I was able to hang out a bit before running back to the Ville, so we ran out to Nuevo Burrito. The food was excellent. Before I knew it we were back at the house and I was saying goodbye.

The entire trip was fantastic. Our vacation to Florida was definitely the best time of my life. It wouldn't have mattered where we were or what we were doing. CC lights up my life in a way that only he can. Location doesn't matter, it's him. This trip was like being in someone else's life; falling down the rabbit hole. It was wonderful! I have never had such a good time as I did spending 4 days with my CC.

Christmas in May

 
I am giddy like a child awaiting Santa’s visit.  I will be leaving tomorrow night for Nashville and then on to Florida with my CC.  He is taking me on the first vacation I have had since 2000.  I am so excited.  Sitting still is a bit of a challenge for me.  Everyone at the office thinks it is funny and at some level they are excited for me.
 
My life has changed so much since CC has come back into my life.  Twenty years is a long time to be apart.  So much has happened in my life and in his.  One would think this would be a “starting over” but it really is a continuation of where we left off.  Although each of us has grown and changed with time and experiences, we are essentially the same and it as almost as if no time has passed since we were last together.
 
CC has commented that this time is better than the last.  I believe he is right.  I think now, we both know better what we want and can appreciate the other.  I know that is how I feel.  He has not changed a bit, at least where it affects me.  I can now fully appreciate just how wonderful he is and how he is and always has been the only man for me.  I never stopped loving him. I think that is how it has been so easy to get back to this point.
 
I am so looking forward to my vacation with my best friend. I think he is too.  He has made reservations at a wonderful hotel and has made plans for things to do if we so choose.  Spending time just the two of us regardless of the activity is what I am looking forward to most. I am about to burst from the excitement!  My life has finally taken a turn for the better.  Merry Christmas to me!

The Confidence Thief Strikes Again

Well, I've done it again. I have allowed the confidence thief into my head and turn me into an insecure idiot. What the hell is wrong with me? I am in love with a man who loves me. He has never done one single thing in the time since we have met to ever cause me to doubt how he feels about me. Let me repeat, never. No qualifying statement needed.

Today was fine. It was Mother's Day. CC and I talked over coffee. We had errands to run, things to do, decided we would talk later which we did. We actually talked several times throughout the day. No problem. I don't know what happened. Somehow during our last conversation of the night the thief snuck in. Played on every insecurity I have.

My mind starts with the obvious things. Ex lovers, my weight, issues with my son, etc. Then they start to branch out. Apparently not satisfied with the pedestrian items above, my insecurity reaches out into the obscure. Unnamed, faceless people. Anyone he could meet in any setting. Someone who will turn his head. Has all the things I do not. Someone who can make him forget me. How old am I, 12????? All of this is absolute rubbish and I know this. Why do I continue to allow this to happen?

I have tried to analyze it all. I come up with little. Maybe I have the issues with my physical appearance that manifest itself into insecurity in my relationship. Maybe the issues with past relationships had a greater affect on me than previously thought. Maybe it's the distance. The lack of face time we get. Maybe a combination of it all? I don't know but it is doing a number on me.

I talked with CC a bit about it via text. I am embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I have these thoughts. I mean, if I was him, I would feel like I wasn't trusted. But I do trust him. I know he wouldn't do such things to me . At least in my head. I don't know why my heart doesn't follow the lead of my head. My gut says the head is right. Why isn't the rest of me listening??

I can't talk about this anymore with him. Bless his heart, he is perfect. Perfect for me. I can't go scaring him making him think I am some kind of needy flake. Hell, I have been crying here for a good 30 minutes or so over what? An overactive imagination? Instead of vacation in Clearwater he will want to give me one in Our Lady of Peace (local psychiatric hospital).

I miss some of the person I used to be. The old me would never think anyone could ever want to cheat on her. It was beyond the scope of the old me's comprehension. I have made a lot of changes for the better over the years but losing my old confidence and self-esteem have definitely made for a difficult mental road with a long distance relationship. Although, I don't know if him moving here would solve all of my issues. They will still be there. Maybe they will heal faster if I have to learn to cope because of the distance? I hate questions where there are no clear cut answers.

When Will I See Thee? Let Me Count the Days....

Vacation time is drawing ever closer. The closer I get to the actual day, the further away it seems. I will not be with my CC for another 4 days. It seems like an eternity. I have been living for our get away vacation ever since he brought it up in late Feb/early Mar. Being able to spend 4 days just the two of us is my idea of heaven on earth. I resemble a five year old awaiting Christmas, I have been so excited and I can't think of anything else. When we are together, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. It doesn't matter if we are vegging on the couch, having cocktails on the deck or running all over Nashville doing anything and everything. Just being with him is all it takes.

Margaritaville

This past weekend was the Jimmy Buffett concert in Nashville. CC got us tickets over a month ago. Neither of us had seen him in concert so we were "virgins" to the whole pre-concert experience. We went out for a quick bite at Urban Flats and headed over to the show.

It seems tacky vacation wear is a staple for many. Others took liberty with the "parrothead" uniform and branched out a bit into pirate costumes, etc. It was definitely something to behold. Many of the cars in the parking lot were reminiscent of U of L tailgating. They were full of coolers, food, etc. I have no idea what time these people started but many were in rare form once they arrived at the Sommet Center. As it was raining all weekend (Nashville flooded, see later in the post), many had on their galoshes with their beachwear. Comical is a word that comes to mind. Everyone was in a good mood and ready to see the show.

Other than the obnoxious frat boy behind us, all of our neighbors in our section were quietly awaiting the start of the show. The mayor of Nashville came out and had stated that many of the roads in the city were becoming flooded and were encouraging people to stay in the city instead of trying to drive home. Apparently the roads to the south were the worst. I don't think anyone was listening to be quite honest....

The concert was good. Got to hear some old favorites and a few of the newer songs I had heard before but don't know the words... Yet..... All in all, it was a great way to spend an evening.

CC's basement began to take on water while we were away. We had moved as much stuff as we could up off the floor before the concert when there was just a bit of water. By Sunday morning, it was a wading pool and by afternoon, a swimming pool. The landlord had someone bring over a sump pump. We managed to get the hose untangled and we set it up. For a while it seemed as if it was a futile effort. With all of the rain continuing to fall and leak into the basement, we were doing good to just maintain the water level already there. The rain was falling so hard, the dogs did not want to go out to go to the bathroom. We practically had to force them. Poor CC, his dog Daisy didn't want to go unless he went out there with her... LOL!

Due to all of the flooding, we had some trouble finding places open for lunch but did end up at this gyro place down the street from his house. It was sooooo good! There was way too much food though. Next time maybe we should split something. I practically ate the whole thing and was miserable afterwards. I really need to quit doing that...

I left for Louisville a bit earlier than I normally would have because of the flooding. I was unsure if I would have any trouble getting home. I 65 North was clear for me but the issue was all of the exits off were blocked due to the flooding.
I didn't want to leave but I was glad to make it home. I don't know if that makes any sense. It was nice to make it home and not have a disaster on my doorstep for once. No one tried to turn a car into a uboat or a pontoon. I guess I should consider myself lucky on two counts. Arrived alive and nothing to cost me money waiting on me...

Today is Cinco de Mayo. May 5th. A reason to drink a LOT of margaritas and eat at Mexican restaurants. Do you know what that means? Tomorrow is May 6th. It will be two months CC and I have been back together... I love him so much.. I wonder if he even has a clue as to the extent of how I feel?

7 days until vacation!!!!!