Time Goes By...

I'm not really sure where I've left off.  I know that my world has been pretty hectic and it has been a good three months or so since I have written down any of my thoughts. Not many people visit this site so I don't suppose anyone is feeling too put out or disappointed with my absence.

August
The Son had his 17th birthday.  School started again.  Senior year.  I really hope he doesn't have to repeat it.  He sold the 2007 Mazda and took the money, pocketed some and bought a 1994 Ranger.  I didn't agree with it but it was the one car I was going to buy him and he sold it for more than it booked so I allowed it.  I did tell him, however, I would not carry full coverage insurance on a 1994 Ranger.  At the time he was fine with that and off he went with the truck.

September
He has been tardy more times than I can count from school.  They told him he couldn't drive to school for two weeks.  He was not happy and of course was everyone else's fault but his own.  No matter how hard I try, I just can't get him to see that he brings his woes onto himself.

CC and I, (mostly CC) have been working very hard on the house.  Flooring and paint and new wardrobes were all on the agenda and it is becoming quite beautiful.  I continue to look for acceptable work but it just doesn't seem to be panning out.  I applied at our Humana Cares division only to be passed over by someone else.  No explanation.  They weren't even going to call.  I consider it most unprofessional and feel it was probably in my best interest if they were not going to conform to Humana culture and processes.

October
The first Friday of October, the Son wrecked his truck.  He was on his way home and he rolled the truck twice.  There was no saving it.  He emerged with a couple of scratches.  Didn't even break a nail. There was no one else in the car and he is extremely lucky to be alive.  I instructed him to go to the urgent care and I would meet him there.  I got him signed in and because I was having difficulty believing exactly how the accident happened, he freaked out, began getting angry and wanting to leave.  I left instead and he had to find his own way home.  I didn't see him until late the next night.  By that time I had gone to the impound lot, sold the truck for $300 to a junk yard. That paid the $200 tow bill and I gave him the $100 for the truck Saturday night.
On Sunday he wanted to borrow my car.  I said no.  He said that I didn't trust him.  I said that with all of the disrespect, why should I do him a favor?  I was doing laundry at the time and he pouted, said some things and walked away.  So what he's disgruntled right?  I was putting clothes away in my room.  He came up from the basement with a loaded shotgun under his chin.  He was shouting on how I didn't care about him and I wished he would've died in the accident and he could fix it right then and there.  I called the police.  By the time the police got there I managed to get the gun away and get them and the ammunition loaded in the trunk of my car.  The police agreed that he needed some help and they followed me to the ER.  He made a show of himself in the ER, he tried to leave.  They had security outside the door because he was so loud.  Carrying on about how once he got out I would never see him again.  He didn't want to live with me etc.  He would then change tactics and cry begging me to take him out of there.

They finally came with an ambulance and took him to a treatment center.  He ended up staying for 4 days.  CC and I were due to leave on a cruise so I went.  I needed the break. It was an absolutely wonderful trip.  Even when it rained.  :)  The Son's father came and stayed with him at the house while I was away.  It didn't keep the Son from calling me on the Thursday of my trip accusing me of taking the money from the sale of the truck and MFing and GDing me, calling me a liar, etc.  I texted his dad and told him I wasn't having it.  He had Morgan text me.  "Sorry, I figured it out".  That was what I got.  That was suppose to be okay.  I surely didn't get a call on my birthday or the day after or the day after etc.

Our relationship has been extremely strained and is fraught with disrespect. I love him dearly but I do not like him much at all.  Is that a bad thing for a parent to say?  Sometimes I just wonder where I went wrong. His father, who initially seemed all put out that I would pay someone to stay with the Son while I am out of town, who was snarky about I "assumed he would be working as it was a weekend", doesn't help.  After the initial crisis, basically if Son isn't home the whole time, he sees no point in driving over.  I tried to explain about parties, etc. Of course, because it isn't his house he doesn't give a fuck.

The Son called me at my mother's a couple of weeks ago wanting his guns back.  I told him no because he had been irresponsible with them.  He got mad, cursed me, told me I was stupid, pointing out that the gun wasn't pointed at me it was at him and it was his head and if he wanted to blow it off he would.  WELL, that would really help me change my mind..  NOT.

My mother, who heard the who conversation was of course appalled and is scared to death he is going to kill me in my sleep.  She gets a bit antsy if I don't call her every couple of days to let her know I'm alive.  Of course, Son sees it as me not being about to keep private things private and now he can't get a truck to drive from her and fuck her he won't do a damn thing for her ever again.

I have raised a spoiled entitled brat. He has no sense of personal responsibility so I have failed him as a parent.  He is really going to have a hard time in the world because I did not prepare him for how things are.  No, he shouldn't talk or treat me the way he does, but in the overall scheme of things, I have failed and the lessons I am trying to squeeze in now while I can are going to be extremely painful to the both of us as a result.