Hope May Spring Eternal...

Yes, contrary to popular belief I can be a positive person. I do my best to hide that quality about myself. I try to pull it off being mean and pessimistic but I do have some optimism. I think it may be a self preservation tactic but it does exist. It exists regarding the Son.

I know, I know. He hasn't amounted to much of anything and hasn't shown any signs of improvement. It is a hard thing to explain the special weird love a person has for a child but I just can't seem to stop hoping that things will turn around. Realistically, he isn't going to graduate this year. He has yet in the last 4 years attempted to show any desire to achieve, much less over achieve. Summer school here he comes again. But, every year I hope that things will be different. I have yet to see him crack a book, he didn't do his summer reading but yet I am still hopeful he will manage to graduate on time. I must be desperate for something positive but I do this to myself every year.

I upset my CC when I asked him to stop pointing out the obvious and to let me have my hope. My hope is always dashed. I know what he says is true. But because I love my son, every year I hope. I hope I'm not disappointed, I hope he does as he promises. It doesn't happen but at the beginning of every school year I have hope. Unconditional love does that to you. I don't know how to explain it to CC. I wasn't trying to be critical, just trying to explain myself. I agree with everything he says but I cannot help having some hope. Without hope, what does one have? I love the Son. That will never change. You always want the best for your children. Even if you don't like them some of the time, you love them ALL of the time. I have hope, sometime things will be different. Sometime things may change. Sometime he may realize his faults. Sometime he will realize just how much I love him.

I love CC. I have always loved him, even when I didn't realize it. I would do anything in the world for him. I am trying to move before the Son is out of school. It wasn't the original plan but after the first house fell through, CC was ready to move to FL. We kept looking until we found a house that suited us. The Son doesn't feel as if he needs me. I know he does but he shuns me so whatever. I have somewhere for him to stay if I move before he is out of school. I am hoping to sell the house. I want to be with CC. I hope he knows that. I just can't abandon my child regardless of if he thinks he can take care of himself or not. He is still only a child and judging by his behavior will be one long after my responsibility for him legally dissipates. I want to do right by the Son, but I do realize my responsibility for his happiness is coming to an end. He has always been ready to leave the nest (whether he can actually afford to or not). I'm doing my best to balance my life until a job comes through, the house sells, a combination or whatever, Basically, I'm doing my best to hang in there. I just hope everyone understands I am giving it 100% and trying my damnedest to make all involved happy campers.

DIY masters!

It was another weekend of work on the house. CC and I finished installing the flooring in the bedroom and got the bedroom put back together before I had to come to the airport. I know I keep promising pictures but I have been lazy about loading them.

I'm currently sitting in the airport waiting for my plane to take me back up north. I hate leaving. I can't stand waiting to hear about the job I interviewed for. I have left several messages and have sent e-mails and have not had any response. It is very frustrating to not have any idea where we are in the whole process. I need to be here with CC. For both of our sakes. It is so hard being apart. The Son will be staying with his friend Kyle. He has no interest in living in Florida. As it is his senior year, of course he wants to finish there. I can understand that. They are showing the house quite a bit. It showed yesterday and today. I am hopeful I can get someone who isn't three contigencies down the line so we can sell and moved to close. The Son will move in with his friend, I will stay with some friends. What furniture doesn't go with the Son will go into storage for him at a later date and time. At least if I get the job I applied for. If not, I may need to sign a lease on an apartment to get us by until I get a position in Tampa. If the house sells, I may have to look outside the company but I don't really want to do that. I have worked there for so long. I have my retirement, seniority etc. and it is a great place to work. I know I'm rambling but I am so ready to move foward with my life. My life with CC has always been long distance minus the few months spent in Indiana before finding our Florida home. I'm ready for us to be together full time, all the time.

And The Renovation Continues..

I finally made it back home Thursday, the Son and Girlfriend in tow. It has gone relatively smoothly. I can't, however, remember being so ADD when I was young. If I've heard bored once I heard it a dozen times. Friday morning we got up and we all went to the beach. We didn't stay long as the kids were "bored" after a few hours. I don't know if they don't know how to just be with each other or what. There was about 15 minutes of heavy rain which past and they were able to take a wave runner out for 30 minutes but they just couldn't sit still and I guess they don't know how to occupy their time. CC and I are great just sitting and reading and playing a game, drinking a couple of beers etc. but the kids just don't seem to get that. Maybe with time.

Friday night CC and I went to the movies and the kiddos just hung out at the house, stating they were tired. We ordered them a pizza and off we went to see Cowboys and Aliens which is an interesting movie to say the least.

Saturday we woke early, left money for the kids to get lunch and CC and I were off to Ikea to do some heavy duty shopping. (God help us with a clean credit card). We spent 3 hours at Ikea and left quite a bit lighter in the wallet and flooring and wardrobes to be delivered Sunday! Yay! The closet may come together yet! On arriving home, we found the ladder moved in the garage. Apparently, the Son, being as bored as ever, decided climbing the large live oak in the yard sounded like a good idea. After scratching up all exposed skin trying to get started, he went to the garage, took out the ladder and used it to get a start on the tree. I was informed he walked up and down all the long limbs, walked the roof and jumped to the ground. Go figure... Kid gets a death wish when he doesn't even know where to have the ambulance show up should he need one...

Today was filled with activity. I did a bit of housecleaning while CC ran to finish the errands we didn't get to yesterday. The parents came in around 11:30 and Dad helped CC assemble the miter saw table and I hit the pool for an hour with my step mom. The Ikea truck came and everything was unloaded into the living room. We took the kids to the mall for a bit and CC began laying the floor of the infamous closet! We are hoping to get the floor in the closet and the wardrobes assembled tonight. Wish us luck! Pics to come!

Hope In Sight

Today I had an interview for a job based in St. Petersburg. No, it isn't Clearwater but it is a 30-45 minute commute which beats the 1000 miles it would be from. So. Indiana. :)

The interview seemed to go well. I think the varied experience I have coupled with my longevity with the company will help. The hiring director stated she wanted to set me up with a telephonic interview with some of the people I would be directly working with. I should be called sometime next week. I am so thankful this may work. She states she is flexible with where I am working. I did explain my currently "two household" situation and is understanding of the dilemma. I also stated I did not want to work at home more than necessary as I am a "come to the office" kind of person. I think that was helpful. In retrospect there are so many other things I could have told her or said but I have no idea what would have been the highest priority in her eyes at the time. I am crossing my fingers and hoping for good results. Jobs that are financially compatible do not come around often and I hope she picks me!

Bonus Day

Apparently during the night there was a major water main break in downtown. They have subsequently shut down our offices today. I have a full free day I wasn't banking on and don't want to waste it. What to do? There are so many things I think of during the day at work. Things that need to be done or taken care of, things I want to do, things I have to do. Right now my mind is a blank. Go figure... Maybe some coffee will help to jump start it.

Do I Look Like an ATM?

I don't know when I began to resemble an ATM but I have a sinking suspicion it was around the time my son began his teen years. Unlike girls, he doesn't wear me out with clothes, shoes, etc. He could NEVER think so cheaply as that. NOOOOO!!! We have to do it with cars. It's always something. He wrecked the car in May in the school parking lot. We have full coverage on the car so I am out the $1k deductible on that. NOW, last Saturday morning, he backed out of the garage into our turn around which so happened to have his friend's pick up in it. I don't know how fast he was going but it did $2300 damage to the car. I can't file with insurance as I am scared they will drop me. (He only got his license the first of March). We just got the check from the insurance company for the first wreck so now we are having the other fixed. Heck! The car is only worth $7k.... He swears his friend is going to buy it for $8500. He doesn't want the car. When he started driving, I told him he would get one car out of me. He got a well running and maintained late model car that the only thing wrong with it is his driving. He wants to sell it for a cheaper car. Which at this point, I can carry collision only etc. BUT.... I told him since this wasn't what I gave him, tires, oil changes, parts, etc. are all on him. The maintenance on a crappy car isn't on me. Just insurance. He seems set on this. I guess this is the beginning of him learning things the hard way because apparently I don't seem to know anything. I told him he needed to move out while he still knows it all... :)

Miserable...

That is the best way to describe how things are right now. I just got home from a fabulous weekend with CC in our Clearwater home. Leaving is exactly the one thing I did NOT want to do. I am not whole without him. As cliche as some people make think this sounds, we really are two halves of a whole. Anyone who has spent any amount of time with us knows this. My Dad, he says we are like an old married couple. True. It's just that comfort level thing. We complement each other in ways I haven't seen in a couple in a long time. Marriages, relationships, many consider them a pretty disposable thing. I admit, at one time I probably did. I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me so many years ago. I am just fortunate that fate has smiled upon me. Lord knows I will not squander the second chance we have been given.

I hate leaving. It is so hard. CC and the girls took me to the airport today. I just hate it. I should be staying but I have obligations here. Right now I really need to unload this house. I still have not sold it. I was really upset when the whole deal fell through at the last minute. We are now back to square one. I was really hoping to have it sold by the time school starts. There is still a bit of time but the clock is ticking. School will start here on August 15. I have an apartment complex I have given a deposit to, I hope I will be moving there before too long. That will be a start. I have a friend that the Son respects that stays here when I am away. I am hoping we can continue this arrangement when we are in the apartment. He is a good friend although at times can seem like a second child. He is 10 years younger than me and doesn't seem to have it all together. Failure to make decisions on his own has allowed others to do it for him and has resulted in a very complicated convoluted life. I try to explain it to him but he just can't seem to take control of things. It is sad. He is a very good parent to his children though and does give the Son some good advice and guidance from time to time which is a good thing.

Other than that, things here are the same. Son knows everything, costs me money every time I turn around. Nothing new on that front. Typical teen. He did manage to get a better job than Tumbleweed. He works at a local full service gas station. He is less than 5 miles from the house and is working 11-6 4 days a week and 6-6 on Saturdays. Thank God he will now be making his own money. I can't afford to be a parent anymore. I gave him a late model car that is very reliable and gets excellent fuel economy when he turned 16. I have informed him this is the one and only car he will get from me. He has now wrecked it twice. Once in May in the school parking lot and once in our driveway (Saturday). The second I will need to pay out of pocket in order to keep insurance. I am scared to death they will drop me and then I don't know what I will do. Son wants to sell the car and by another for 3.5k. He has been informed when that happens, I am no longer responsible for any car bills other than insurance. I have also explained he will be dropped from full coverage to collision. I will explain that once again when he sells it. I figure he needs to learn his lessons the hard way and if this is one of them, then here we go. I know he is spoiled but I refuse to carry on at the detriment of our world. We have a mortgage, bills, etc. I do what I can but he will make this decision with all of the information and it will give him something to learn from. I hope, as always, things work out the way he would like, but life doesn't always work that way and it is time he potentially gets a taste of it.

CC and I, however, will be fine. We have had a couple of issues with the new house. First was the $700 water bill. Two leaky commodes. Who knew in one month you could have a bill for $700 because you supposedly used 37,000 gallons of water? That is over three times the size of our pool! The plumber couldn't find the leak but we finally did and CC changed all of the stuff so they no longer leak. I am going to call the water company in the morning to beg for leniency and hopefully some sort of credit! :)

The other issue, well, it isn't so much an issue as it is the more we live there, the more we decide needs to be fixed. It all is well and good when you look at it but we looked at the house, made an offer and had it accepted in all of a day. So, the more we are there, the more we discover the man there thought he was Mike Holmes (Holmes on Homes, HGTV). BUT, he turned out to be a do it yourselfer who didn't have a clue. SOOOOO... We are having to do a lot of things to fix the previous owner's "home improvements". It will turn out well as CC is as handy as they come. Everything he has done at the house in IN and the one in FL has turned out spectacularly. I couldn't be more pleased. He worries a lot about pleasing me but the reality is he does a fantastic job, knows his limitations and is man enough to say when something is best done by a professional. A girl cannot ask for anymore than that.

This past long weekend was wonderful. I left for FL after work on Thursday. I arrived an hour later than expected due to some inclement weather in Chicago. That equates to 0100. CC had to work the next day. He didn't get to bed until almost 0300. Bless him.. He ended up working a bit late but not by much and arrived home exhausted. He took a bit of a nap and we took off for a bite to eat and a trip into Tampa. IKEA!!! We arrived about 15-20 minutes before closing so our trip was extremely focused. We picked up light bulbs for the lamp we bought on our last excursion. (Note.... For anyone who wants to shop at IKEA, their lamps are "special" and require bulbs you can only buy at their store. Stock up while you are there)... We also bought slats for the bed purchased on our last trip. (Note.... Mattresses made in the US do not have a standard. Therefore, one Queen is not the same always as another. It is a bit narrower than those IKEA has and the mattress will fall through to the floor!). We bought bed slats so we wouldn't end up on the floor in the middle of the night. THAT would be a rude awakening. We came home and put the bed together properly and was able to get a good night's sleep. Poor CC was exhausted.

Saturday came early. I awoke to the sounds of Daisy (our golden) whining. I figured she wanted to go outside. I hurried out of bed so she would stop, (I didn't want to wake CC). By the time I got out of the bed, Daisy had jumped into the bed and had laid down IN MY SPOT!!! I HAVE BEEN JUKED BY A DOG!!!!!! I have never felt so much like Charlie Brown trying to kick a football in all my life! I was a bit put out to say the least and CC woke up. He persuaded Daisy out of the bed and I jumped back in. Apparently I need to revoke my application for "Who is smarter than a 5th grader"... LOL! I just don't seem to fit the bill. ;) We rose early. CC worked on the leaky commodes and I left to return some bedding and run to the grocery. I picked up a few items needed for our cookout the following day and also exchanged some bedding for an alternate. Same color but a tamer pattern. I returned home victorious!!! The new bedding was half of the previous so that made it all the better. Sales always make a girl feel even better!!! I came home and we spent a couple of hours in the pool before leaving for the ballgame. CC bought us tickets to the Tampa Rays vs. St. Louis Cardinals ballgame at Tropicana Field. After a bit of driving around, we found a place to park and went in. I have never been to a game that was indoors. It seemed a bit odd. I have no idea how those fielders saw that baseball. It seemed to vanish in all of the lights. I must say, air-conditioned comfort for a summer ballgame was nice! It did rain a bit while we were inside so a game that would've been a rain out in normal circumstances was able to play out to completion. The Rays won 5 to 1. Boo! Although I suppose had they played someone else we would be shouting YAY!! We do need to get us a Rays t-shirt a piece for when we are watching them play someone other than the Cardinals or the Reds. (That's my team!! :D)

Sunday turned out to be absolutely glorious!!! CC had bought a slab of ribs and we were smoking ribs and hanging by the pool all day! Can you think of anything better? We were up, had our usual coffee and read the paper (Got a great deal for Sundays on Groupon). Then CC fired up the grill. I decided to change and begin the sunning process. CC mowed the backyard and then put on the ribs and joined me. Now don't judge, it's a riding mower and a small yard. He was only 15-20 behind me...
We really enjoyed ourselves. It was a beautiful sunny day in the neighborhood; and, when the sun went in, we just moved from the pool to the jacuzzi! ;) We had put a more than decent dent in our beer supply when the ribs were ready. Boy were they good! We had grilled corn and baked beans as sides for the wonderful ribs. CC really outdoes himself when we cook out. During the morning and then after the grilling and swimming we managed to hang all of the artwork in the house. It was a feat. Not that we have that much but when you try to make old things fit in with new things and a new house, it can be tricky. You also need to decide what needs to just be placed in storage or just what needs to leave the house. It was a big undertaking but I think we did a really good job of combining the art of two households.

Monday came a lot faster than either of us wanted. I hate leaving. I can't wait until I am moving there for good. I have a son that needs to finish school. I have a house that needs to be sold and I need to find a job that can give me some of the flexibility I need to make all of this work until my permanent move date. It's a tall order but I am making strides. I had a positive preliminary interview on Thursday. I really hope it works out. The recruiter said that the hiring manager will be willing to work with me on it so I am hopeful at this point. I just hate being away from CC. Two weeks is about the max I can stand it. This last three weeks seemed like three months. Right now my next trip isn't scheduled until the first weeks of August. UGH!!!! I don't know how I will make it until then but I know I must hold on.

The Son and the GF are accompanying me on my next visit. I have a friend with a car service that will pick us up and take us to the airport as CC will be working. The GF's mom will take us to and pick us up at SDF. So, all in all, transportation is taken care of. As long as the Son can behave and all drama avoided...... I pray for this at night!