The older that I get, the more opportunities I have for self-reflection. I review past events with friends, reminisce over old photos when cleaning out a closet, and I stare at myself in the mirror wondering where all the time went. As I look I notice a new wrinkle, maybe a gray hair or lament over the fact that my figure just ain't what it used to be. As of late, newer thoughts have begun creeping into my conscious thought. Feelings of insecurity... Where does that come from?????
I have never been one to worry about what others think. I have never been one to put much stock in such nonsense. But as of late I can't help but see my reflection from a different vantage point than I ever have before. All kinds of things seem to be catching my attention... Moreso than ever before. The exta pounds that seem so much more difficult to keep at bay the older I get for a start. What is up with that. I have been "tiny" most of my life... Larger than life but "tiny". Now I feel like a beached whale.
I never had a doubt in what anyone I have ever dated felt about me. After my marriage, and subsequent divorce, however, I can't seem to get that feeling of security back again... It's getting to be a bit crazy now....
How is it we can be on top of our game for years and then without realizing it, can have our self assurance taken right out from under us? It isn't fair... What happened to me? The girl I used to be?
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