I have become the needy person I have always made fun of. What is wrong with me? I am unsure and fall apart and read stuff into things that are benign. I don't know if I am just that lost without my other half or if I seriously need an attitudinal adjustment. Why am I crying?
You're in that emotionally vulnerable stage of a new relationship. (Have you never been there before?!) It's when you realize that your emotions (heart) have become bigger than your logic (head) and that's scary because the heart is illogical but strong, and your head keeps trying to talk logic so you can make sense of things, but the constant dialogue is exhausting (epecially when you're already PMSing, which is like giving your emotions a loudspeaker) and confusing.
ReplyDeleteThis stage is temporary. You have to walk through this to get to the part where your emotions finally calm down and match up with your head again by meeting halfway. Then the paranoia caused by seeing your vulnerability will be tapered by the logic that says, "I know him and this relationship now, I can properly assess this."
For now, you may have to actively make your paranoid internal dialogue shut up. Force the thought, as it goes toward the downward spiral, to just stop dead in its tracks. Get up and DO something else, talk to someone, if you're alone, talk aloud and you'll feel silly for how silly it is. Go in a public place like WalMart (do you have those there? haha) and buy something small for yourself and/or him and that'll make you weirdly feel better, cuz you'd be taking an action that makes you feel close to him/the relationship.
Okay, you know you're lame when your comments are bigger than the post you've commented on. =P
ReplyDeleteI'm going to disagree with you on this. It actually isn't so much about a relationship being new and therefore vulnerable. The 20 year gap was more of a pause instead of a stop and restart in our relationship. I never really stopped loving him. And to be quite honest, no, there has never been a "vulnerability" in a new relationship for me. When I was younger and more confident (full of myself), there was no reason in my mind to feel that way. As an adult, it just never happened. There is certain complexity with us that having a full history to present run down may help you to understand AND allow me to expand on the comments made in the original post.
ReplyDeleteThis is probably a discussion best held in person / on the phone as it is WAAAAY more than can be held here. And yes, this string would far extend the original small blog post...